YES! Aside from the really sad spelling skills, COOL!

Ooohh, I still feel like doody. Except this time I think it was the coffee I had with my lunch. Uggghh. So...nauseated...somebody bring me a basin. *Eggie turns green*

People often mistake my joking about Christianity for ignorance of the religion. Yes, I still have a long way to go in building my faith, but I do, in fact, know something about Christianity, not just from, you know, ten years in a Catholic school, but also just from discussion with friends of mine, especially Tim, who is the son of a Lutheran pastor, and whom I respect for the amount of time he's spent thinking about his faith and trying to sort things out.

Also, I'm not so sure why people are so quick to dislike Christianity, especially Catholicism. Benly one states that in part it may be because of the fact that it's all too easy to fall into the trap of believing in the ritual more so than the actual faith itself, which I do concede is true. Also, many people have had bad experiences with the Catholic Church, which is understandable. Well, let me rephrase. I do understand why people dislike the Church, but my main concern now is the need for reform within the Catholic Church. I commend Pope John Paul for his efforts on trying to find common ground with other religions, not just with non-Christian ones such as Islam and Judaism and even Buddhism, but also within the other sects of Christianity as well. I do think that it's time to try and come to an understanding...it's been what, a thousand years or so, give or take a century, since the Schism and Reformation?

And yes, I do agree that the Catholic Church has developed in such a way that ritual sometimes overshadows the faith. However, I think this largely evolved from need -- the fledgling Church needed SOME way to be able to make the faith more accessible to the newly-converted pagans, and integration of pagan rituals was one of these ways. But now that we've entered the 21st century, I think that there needs to be an awareness on the part of worshipers, there needs to be the ability to distinguish between what is merely rote ritual and what is the actual faith -- and I would like to think that to some degree this is present. I'm not saying that this ritual is a bad thing, because that is what has helped shaped Catholicism into the religion it is today. Even though I may not have enjoyed it in grade school, in retrospect, I think the Catholic mass as a whole can be a very beautiful and meaningful experience if done correctly, just as any other ritual belonging to any other religion can be. I am merely wary of mindless worship, that is, worship done for the sake of appearances. In a lot of ways, I think that is why I have been in recent years alienated from organized religion and why I have been unable to find myself an actual established religion.

I am very reactionary in many ways, and I take offense at some things very easily, and one of these things is anything I perceive to be a threat or criticism of my faith. My faith is a very personal thing, not only because I have been trying to find it for so long, but also simply because that is the nature of faith. While I am aware that I still need to develop it, I do not appreciate others imposing their belief systems on mine. There is a difference between intelligent religious discussion and blatant, mindless Bible-pounding, and I certainly don't appreciate the latter. Of course, I am usually able to distinguish between the two, but sometimes the distinction isn't all that clear. It's one of those things I still need to figure out, and I find that it has affected my ability to find an established religion I am comfortable with, especially because my opinion on evangelizing seems to be so different from what I have experienced in churches outside of Catholicism -- at least, at my old school, there was not as much emphasis on it as I've seen in a couple of the churches I've tried to join. Is it really the Christian's responsibility to "save the heathens from the all-consuming snares of the four-lettered place of eternal fire and damnation?" In some ways, yes, but I still can't reconcile this with my belief that everybody is entitled to their own religious beliefs and should have the opportunity to develop them without interference from others. That is what I think is most important...I think it's much more valuable to have worked through your faith (and in the process growing closer to it, whatever you believe) to come to the conclusion that shapes your belief, rather than having something slammed into your brain, whether it is Christianity or some other religion. I guess this is a pretty obvious observation, but nevertheless, I think it's a very important one -- and maybe it's something people tend to forget sometimes.

And maybe I don't need an actual church to be an actual Christian. But I think that's probably laziness talking -- I do believe that actively going to church is necessary for building your faith (although given my current actions, it isn't obvious that I believe this). I do need to make the clarification for some that I am aware that the act of going to church does NOT make you Christian.

Also, it saddens me that things have passed that the Catholic Church now has to deal with priests and even bishops facing accusations and charges (many of them justified) of child molestation. I'm not saying that this was a sudden development; it definitely has been going on for years and years. I definitely think it was a great wrong of the Church against the faithful to go down the path of hushing everything up instead of coming out in the open, admitting wrongdoing, and trying to clean everything up. I worry that the efforts it is currently making may not be enough to repair the damage that this cover-up and sin has caused within the Church. And I now think that celibacy within the priesthood may not have been the wisest course of action. The purpose of the Holy Order is to give your life to God, and supposedly giving up your natural impulse in order to focus more fully on God is an admirable thing. The question now is whether or not this is something God really wants or even expects of us as humans. Yes, we are human. Of course, this doesn't excuse sin as it is our responsibility to work towards overcoming it, whether we are successful or not -- but is giving up a natural function like sexual impulse required to grow closer to God? Sexual impulse is not itself something sinful, but only becomes so when it becomes a dominating feature of your life, as does everything else in life -- the old adage "everything in moderation" is better advice than you think. And the fact remains that celibacy was principally instituted in the Church in order to keep Church lands from being completely distributed to heirs of married priests, making it a more pragmatic than dogmatic issue. Ideally, celibacy may have its moral benefits, but unfortunately, it sometimes makes falling victim to perversions easier. I read in Newsweek that many times, these priests who are pedophiles enter the Holy Order in part because they believe that taking the vow of celibacy will give them the willpower to resist their urges, when in fact the structure of the Church is actually quite conducive to them, with its use of altar boys in Church ceremony and its general nature of secrecy.

In any case, I'm not even sure I am in a place to argue against the Church, as I am not actually a member, having not been baptized in any Christian church at all. But I still consider myself Christian in many of my beliefs, and I certainly do believe in God and Jesus, which...you know...kind of is the core of Christianity. I'm not claiming to be some all-knowing Christian guru, so please don't take offense. In fact, I'm not so sure this argument is about the rightness or wrongness of sects of Christianity or even Christianity as a whole. I'm not preaching anything. Just sorting through my own beliefs, which are very muddled indeed. I'll probably be eating a lot of crow in later entries, because I'm tired and didn't write down my relatively well-thought out arguments from earlier...so, of course, I've already forgotten them.

// up top baby / comment //

Seven things you LOVE:
[1] my kith an' kin (i've always wanted to say that)
[2] my computer (how to survive without it?!)
[3] MUSIC!
[4] photoshop
[5] how not to live without books?
[6] audiogalaxy...need...music...
[7] my piano of death

Seven things you HATE:
[1] boys if i didn't love them so much
[2] boys
[3] specifically drew
[4] still boys (okay, guy friends are discluded from this 
list. happy, ben/erik/jim/etc.?)
[5] my shortness
[6] sheeple
[7] well, yeah, my shortness

Seven things ON YOUR DESK: (exluding comp, monitor, etc.)
[1] my ass-biting french homework i should be doing
[2] ritz crackers
[3] cds
[4] uh...paper
[5] more paper
[6] there was a grapefruit at one point
[7] a pissed off panda drawing

Right now you are: 
[1] wishing i had practiced the piano
[2] downloading lots of jazz and indie rock
[3] wishing tomorrow never comes
[4] being sleepy
[5] hating playas (playa hata!)
[6] thinking about doing my ass-biting french homework
[7] blogging, yo

Seven facts about you: 
[1] i'm one of those genetic freaks that has hair on their
second knuckles. no, really. if you look really hard you 
can see the leeetle hairs. don't be repulsed.
[2] i'm addicted to making mix cds
[3] i can break three boards using my mad magical karate skillz
[4] i owe ben a bajillion quarters (but i'm going to pay in check form *glares*)
[5] i really am not a goth
[6] no, seriously
[7] i likes art

Seven things you plan to do before you die:
[1] move to new zealand and start a vinery
[2] rock climbing in the southwest
[3] make a fully animated feature film
[4] steal orlando bloom away to my secret love lair of loving
[5] give up angsting
[6] grow three inches
[7] find truuuuueee love

Seven things you can do:
[1] ah kin draw
[2] kick some major ass
[3] get my ass kicked majorly
[4] play the piano
[5] juggle (sorta)
[6] make origami tulips
[7] make web pages (who can't?)

Seven Things You Can't Do:
[1] kiss my elbow
[2] stand on my head
[3] do the splits
[4] be useful
[5] cook
[6] be TALL
[7] ...other...things...

Top 7 things that make you LAUGH: 
[1] sinfest!
[2] something positive!
[3] terry pratchett!
[4] my life!
[5] boys!
[6] ....certain...parts....of...said....boys...!
[7] hamsters in microwaves!